How can I explain?
I wish I did not have to. Which is why I kept it from you. Knowing you so well. I knew you could not understand. It feels like I did this to you. A dig a stab, pain intentionally inflicted.
The truth is I was only thinking of myself. My wants and desires in the moment. I was offered a free meal and tucked in. It was only later, after the deed was done, that I worried for you.
I cannot explain it away.
I can tell you I don’t believe what I did was a cheat. It was selfish and I lied about it. But you are walking away from me. Not trying to understand, no forgiveness. Only raging about vows and partnership as you go.
Next time I will first tell you what I plan to do. Maybe it will be something we can do together.