Never is a bad word.
Oh, it wasn’t always. I used to use it all the time. I didn’t even have to think about it, the word just flew from of my mouth as free and easy as any other profanity. (I very rarely discriminate when it comes to words) The thing is this – after looking back onto several decades of declaring “I will never…” it becomes clear to me that either the word does not mean what I think it means or I am a liar. Actually a third reason did occur to me but it seems so ridiculous that I am loath to admit it. Okay you twist my arm, here it is : the word “never” has power. You know like magic or something. I know, I know it doesn’t seem right does it? Let me tell you why I think this.
It begins during my youth. If I look back I can recall my child self making loud, exasperated declarations at my smoking parents like “I WILL NEVER SMOKE CIGARETTES!” I also recall righteously pledging “when I am grown and a parent I will never say I don’t have time to play with my children.” Oh, and I will also never wear mascara.
Later as a cigarette smoking and mascara wearing teen I promise I will never live with a man (well, a boy really – sorry Stormin’ Cowboy) before I was married. I will never live in an apartment building or in a big city for that matter, and I will never get a divorce. At the time I looked down my nose at all of those things.
You see where I am going with this? So far I’ve done everything I said I would never do. These are but a few of the many many stubborn and uncompromising never statements to fall recklessly from my lips but you get the picture.
Now here’s the catch and I know because I’ve tried it. If I announce that I will “never win the lotto” or “I will never have more children” in the hopes of the never power giving me exactly that… it doesn’t work. WTF? How is that fair? So that’s it, I am done. I will
never not say never, ever again. ( Although, I can probably still write it… right?)
I wonder if Rick Astley ever did all the things he said he’d never do?
some of the things I said I would never do and did:
- wear mascara
- get divorced
- gain weight – get fat
- work in a factory
- live with a man out-of-wedlock
- live in a building where I had to ride an elevator ( I dislike elevators)
- live in the city
- own / drive an automatic car
- let a man hurt me
- tell my child I am too busy
- keep secrets from a loved one / boyfriend / husband
- stop loving you
- get old